It's 4am here as I write this post. Today is my wife's Birthday. Deep inside I wish to give her a present that would make her happy today as she deserves the best. I struggle with the thought that those days of carefree shopping are long gone. We are in a new reality now just trying to make it, to survive our trials and come out of this alive.
I am reaching deep inside my heart on this day and searching for answers, searching for a way that I might do something special for her on her Birthday. I am dealing with anger and frustration feeling paralyzed by the unjust circumstances we are living in now. It is hard to cope with it.
Knowing a little more than two years ago my wife had every convenience imaginable. She had her own place she could call home. She had a car, she had her friends and church family. Now she has none of that. I wish I could return all that to her today. Somehow to make the evil go away and restore her to that life she once had. It really makes me angry to think about it. She does not deserve her circumstances on this Birthday.
I am amazed to see how gracefully she accepts her humble means now. She does not complain or beat me up in her frustration She focuses on what is important, what is eternal in all of this. Like our children's lives and making sure they grow up in the fear of the Lord. That they are educated and given the best with the means we have. Same for me, she cares for my regardless of what material blessings she has lost. No bad attitude, no lashing out in anger. Just a selfless love and unbreakable commitment.
Today on her Birthday I am leaning a lot about myself. Because of our lack materially I find my self asking what can I give her today? The cash cow is gone, the house full of amenities, the car, the property and even her country. So what is left I ask my self? Those words on our wedding day come to mind. "for better or worse". I ask my self what is left when we are experiencing the "worse" part?
What an awesome revelation I am getting out of this. Our happiness is not defined by what we have or don't have material wise. The true deep happiness comes from our hearts that radiate through action in our lives. When all is stripped away that is all that remains. This is the present I can give to my wife today. A newly committed stronger me. A heart so full of love and appreciation for her that she will be engulfed by my love for her. That's all that is left friends. And that is exactly what I am going to give my wife on her Birthday today. She deserves it, all of me and a new and improved version!
Father God, Please bless my wife today with every blessing from heaven.
May her freedom come soon.